Updated: Nov 18, 2019
Have you ever had someone say something to you, or look at you a certain way, or found yourself in a situation and you just completely freaked out?
Whether you felt like bawling your eyes out or you wanted to lash out, deep down you knew you were overreacting? But you couldn't seem to help it?
It's definitely happened to me and it always makes me feel the worst!
First the intense feeling that come up don't feel good, (for me that is normally wanting to bawl my eyes out) and then the deep regret or even shame of having done so just seems to add to how awful I feel!
Over time, with a lot of experience and with a lot of soul searching I have come to realize something very important.
Something that changed the way I experienced my life and set me on a path of truly understanding myself better and giving me my first glimpses of how to change my life.
My overreaction was not a bad thing!
It was not something to be ashamed of!
And it was not something I should try to repress!
Instead it is a very very precious arrow pointing to an area of my life that needs attention.
It's a gift that the universe is giving me, to guide me on my way, to help me learn, grow, and become the best me that I can be.
It's an arrow that tells me where in my life I need to focus on, where I need to do some healing work.
An arrow that is pointing out an area that needs greater understanding and compassion.
It is also pointing to a very important step on the journey that helps me to have deeper empathy and understanding in my relationships with others!
These strong reactions are not a sign of weakness, or something that needs to be pushed down further inside of us, repressed or denied.
In fact doing that will only guarantee more pain and overreaction in the future, since anything you push down will only come up again and again, more and more intensely.
It's simply how things work!
So how do you bring healing to these areas?
How do you not only follow the arrow that pain or hurt is pointing out to you but also to transcend it and become stronger because of it?
The first step is to accept that you're feeling it
Have you ever had that flush of emotions and then felt your body or mind shutting down, or freezing up as if it's not happening?
We try to deny that it's happening or we "get over it" really quickly and think that is a sign of how strong we are, when its really just a sign of how we repress our experiences.
This only traps that energy inside of your body, and makes you relive it over and over again.
Instead take a deep breath and accept that this is how you feel, and it's ok to be feeling this.
THE MOMENT YOU NO LONGER FEAR TO FEEL THE FEELING IF THE MOMENT THE FEELING LOSES IT"S POWER.
That doesn't mean it's not still painful, but it does mean it loses its power to make you spiral into a tail spin of hurt, anger, and negativity.
The second step is to realize that even though you are feeling something uncomfortable, you are actually still ok.
That there is a part of you that is watching you feel this feeling and that part of you, called the observer is always ok!
When I find myself in this moment of strong emotion and reaction and I have accepted that I am feeling this way I have a short but powerful mantra that I repeat over and over to myself.
"It's ok that I feel this way, I'm still ok!
It's ok that I feel this way, I'm still ok!"
It seems like such a simple thing but it brings me back to a very important place.
It brings be back to reconnection with my observer, back to the feeling of safety.
Although the circumstances around your overreaction are unique to you, the reason for your intense feeling is actually very simple, for a moment you felt completely unsafe and uncertain.
You feared losing and being unworthy of the love all of us so deeply desire.
But when you can bring yourself back to a feeling of safety you can have the state of mind to see what happened clearly.
That no matter what has happened nothing excludes you from worthiness and love, and that you are the only one that can control whether you are safe.
If you can accept your feelings and allow yourself the grace to feel them, you will always be safe.
The third step will allow you to look at the situation with fresh eyes, and give you the opportunity to reinterpret the situation, giving them a meaning that will give you access to the side of yourself that is needed in that moment.
Ask yourself the following very important questions:
What else could this be?
What else could this mean?
What can this help me understand? What side of myself needs to show up here to bring me back to a loving state?
Asking yourself empowering questions helps you access the side of your that you need in order to transcend the painful emotions and bring you back to your natural loving self.
So as you go forward remember your strong emotions are not your enemy!
They are your beautiful friends sent to heal your hurts, and the hurts in this world!