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Living in isolation or liberation?

So maybe I'm going crazy...after all, I can't actually remember the last time I left the house, and today when the UPS truck came to deliver a package, I waved at the delivery women with tears in my eyes whispering 'Thank you, thank you'.

But recently I have had a question floating around in my mind that just won't go away.

Do you ever have that?

A question that becomes an obsession?

That goes around and around in your mind all day - while you're working, spending time with your kids, going for a walk - it just never stops asking!

The question that I can't get rid of is this...

What if the isolation that we are experiencing right now, as we can no longer go into work, as we can no longer share a meal with our friends, as we limit our runs to the store to only when it is essentially needed, only when it is a must, so this isolation, this physical and social isolation, what if it's actually a cause for our own personal liberation?

What if this time when we all feel kind of stuck, is actually opening up the door of who we really are, and what we really can do?

I don't know about you, and I don't mean to sound insensitive, but in so many ways I am enjoying the social distancing that we have been doing. I am enjoying long evenings at home playing card games, watching old tv shows (yep I'm talking about The Office) or some crazy ones (I will admit to enjoying The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - hey everyone has their vices lol), creating good homecooked meals and just overall slowing down.

It's given me time to look at what I value in my life, and if the life that I was living was actually honoring those values.

Was rushing around to different events really honoring my value of quality time?

Was volunteering for way too many things really honoring my value of giving? Or was it driving me to exhaustion?

Was my constant need to fill up my time with some type of work, entertainment, or distraction really honoring my spiritual growth? My mental health? My physical well being?

And what about all the "should's"? Don't even get me started on all my "should's" LOL!! I should be doing more of this and I should be doing more of that. The unbearable pressure of shoulds, that we all just sort of get used to. It's like we are carrying around a huge boulder, but nobody says anything because we are all doing it. Why the heck doesn't one of us just say..."Hey, I'm carrying this boulder of shoulds and it's making me tired, I think I'm going to set it down!" Well, actually I think some of us do, but it's hard to hear that message. So maybe, just maybe, without even knowing it my life before the coronavirus was a prison. A prison that kept me stuck in the same way of doing things, the same way of thinking about things, the same way of responding to the demands and pressures of life. Maybe the routine, the commitments, the obligations that slowly crept into my life were actually not allowing me to really live! And maybe, just maybe, now that I have had so many things taken away, maybe now is the first time I have ever really been free! Could limiting my choices, letting go of my should's, and saying no to activities I thought I loved actually be giving me the freedom that I had always said I craved? It seems crazy, aren't more choices always a good thing? Aren't my shoulds there to make sure I stay productive and measure up (whatever the heck that means!!) Aren't all those activities I do me? Aren't they my life? The truth that I am finding out is that they are not. Fewer choices clear my head for what's important. My should's break my spirit. And those activities were slowly draining the life out of me! My Isolation has been my liberation! How about you?

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