Have you ever had a really hard time letting go of a story?
Maybe you have tried to forget about it, or covered it up, or pretended it didn't bother you anymore.
But deep down the hurt is still real?
The betrayal still feels fresh?
Your insecurities still run the show?
Or maybe you blow up at someone or something out of the blue and you have no idea why?
That story that you can't let go is large and in charge, sometimes without you even knowing it.
So how do you let the story go?
How do you finally heal and move on when you're still so emotionally invested in the story?
Well, there is a lot of truth in the old saying "Time heals all wounds."
Have you ever wondered why that is true?
Even if you hate that saying, (like I do, please don't ever say that to someone who is suffering, I beg you!) there is still wisdom to be found there.
The wisdom is found in the fact that time gives you DISTANCE from the emotions you have about the story, which is key to any healing and letting go.
So how can you create distance from your story to help you let go of hurt or limitations right now?
There is one sure-fire way that has always worked for me and it's actually really simple if you just take the time to do it!
Maybe it will work for you too!
Look at your story from your perspective, from the perspective of the other people involved, and lastly as an outsider looking in at the story.
In other words: Your Story, Their Story, and The Story.
Let me share an example.
I recently spent time with a friend that resulted in a misunderstanding happening between us.
Painful for both of us, but we decided to move on and just let it go.
But I have to tell you the truth, I just couldn't.
I wanted to, but it was easier said than done.
So if I told the story from my point of view it would sound something like this:
"I don't think (my friend) really cares for me because she let me down during a time when I needed her the most. What makes it worse is that she knew how much I needed her to come through for me and she still didn't do it. I don't actually think she cares that much about our relationship."
If I told the story from her point of view it might sound something like this:
"I just couldn't be there for Meg. There was too much going on in my life and I can't do everything. I feel like I am always stretching myself too thin and things constantly fall through the cracks. If I were honest I am resentful that Meg can't see that. She always expects more form me then I can give."
(If I am honest at this point I am already starting to feel compassion for her, which is a huge step towards forgiveness, letting go and moving forward.)
And then from the perspective of an outsider or as The Story:
"Here are two friends that have had a disagreement. They feel like they have been let down by one another and are struggling to forgive each other. They have had a long history of friendship with many good times and the love that they have for each other is real, they can get through this."
Or it might be:
"Here are two friends that have had a disagreement. They feel like they have been let down by one another and are struggling to forgive each other. They have had a long history of this type of thing and really this relationship is not a healthy one. It would be in both of their best interests if they moved on."
When you read it from the perspective of the outsider, without any emotions you begin to want the highest good for each person in the story.
Whatever it might be.
Whether it is reconciliation, forgiveness, and healing.
Or if it's the letting go of each other in a way that is kind, generous and loving so that they don't continue to take the story with them into the future, or allow it to corrupt other relationships that will come their way.
So grab a story you have been telling yourself for too long, write out YOUR STORY, THEIR STORY, and THE STORY, and be prepared to see things from a totally different perspective that will give you clarity on what your next step will be, and allow you to access the compassion inside of yourself that is required for letting go!